Nothing Fits
by evilqueenmayor731
Summary: Fic request was Pregnant!Regina. It's baby Neal's first birthday, but Regina and Robin are running late to the party. Robin investigates Regina's uncharacteristic tardiness.


"Regina, we're going to be late!" Robin said as he opened the door to their bedroom to find an unmitigated disaster. The entire contents of Regina's closet was strewn across the room. The doors sat open, and inside a few lonely hangers swung from side to side. Every blouse, dress and skirt she owned littered the bed and the floor. He reached for one skirt he recognized - one he particularly liked for the way it showed off her legs - to find it was ripped nearly in half. He stumbled over a stylish black pump, then ducked as its mate flew over his head and embedded its heel in the wall.

"What's wrong?" he asked. She spun around, clad only in her bra and panties, and put her hands on her hips. Hips that he noticed were slightly wider than when he'd first met her.

"Nothing fits!" she lamented. "Not a single thing! The skirts won't zip, the shirts won't button... even the shoes are too small for my swollen feet!" She sank down onto the bed and looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn't getting fat. She was pregnant, and was finally beginning to show.

"Regina," he said softly as he sat behind her and put his arm around her shoulders. "That's all perfectly normal." Aside from himself and Regina, the doctor was the only person in Storybrooke that Regina had allowed to know about her delicate condition. "If you'd just open up and tell people..."

"No. I've told you, I don't want people fawning over me or treating me like I'm made of glass. You saw how everyone treated Snow when she was pregnant." Granted, nobody was after their baby the way Zelena had been after infant Neal, but that was beside the point. Pregnancy hormones had a way of making even the most rational woman behave irrationally. And nobody would have accused Regina of being the most rational person in town even before she'd conceived.

"I can't go. Just tell the un-Charmings I have a headache or something," she declared, throwing her hands up. She had no options, and the party would be starting any minute and she couldn't very well show up in her underwear.

"I will do no such thing," he declared. He set his creative mind to work. "It's still cold enough outside that you can wear a sweater. They should still fit, yes?" She scowled and nodded. Thankfully her breasts hadn't ballooned yet, so the few sweaters she owned would still be wearable. They weren't up to her standards for wearing to a party, though.

He stood and began looking through drawers for anything she hadn't already tried on. In the back of the bottom dresser drawer he found a shirt of very soft fabric and matching pants. They looked incredibly comfortable - more so than even her nightclothes. He pulled out the pants and held them up.

"Here, wear these." They were a light gray, and he hoped that they would look nice enough to suit her.

Regina shuddered at the sight of the elastic waistband. For a brief time, before adopting Henry, she had taken up running. She'd read about endorphins and desperately needed something to make her happy (even temporarily). She'd abandoned the exercise after a week of failed attempts to achieve a 'runner's high', and the track suit she'd purchased had been relegated to the nether regions of her dresser.

"I am not wearing that in public," she said and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Everyone's going to be looking at the birthday boy, not you. You could wear a jester's hat with bells on and nobody would care." He would get her to Neal's first birthday party, come hell or high water.

"Your absence at the party would be more noteworthy than your actual presence. If you truly do not wish for inquiries into your health, I believe you have no choice but to don these pants and a sweater and join me downstairs in no more than five minutes." His tone reminded him of dealing with Roland during a tantrum.

"Fine," she spat out. She rose and snatched the pants from his grip. "But while I'm getting dressed you're going to have to find me some shoes. My feet are too swollen to fit into my heels."

He grinned and kissed her forehead. "A task I'm happy to accomplish, milady." With a brief touch of his hand to her just-beginning-to-bulge belly, he turned and headed back down the stairs on the hunt for comfortable shoes for his wife.

Twenty minutes later they were standing in the back of Granny's diner, watching a boisterous Neal smush cake into his hair. At Regina's insistence they'd entered through the back door that connected to the inn, but she still couldn't escape the attention of her son. He ran up and hugged her, then Robin. He and his stepdad had long since stopped shaking hands.

"Hi, Mom." Henry was excited about the party. Any excuse for cake. He took a step back and noticed something off about his mom. He realized he didn't have to look up as much as usual to talk to her. Looking down, he saw she wasn't wearing her usual 4-inch heels. But there was more than that. "Are those... sweat pants?"

Regina cleared her throat. "There was an incident at the dry cleaners. I had nothing else to wear." Half lie, half truth, and in Robin's opinion, completely unnecessary. He put his arm around Regina's waist and gave Henry a wink.

"Riiiiight. Dry cleaners." Henry winked back at Robin, and this time Regina caught the gesture. She turned her head and looked at her husband, then back to her son, then back to her husband again.

"You told him, didn't you?" The sheepish expression on Robin's face was more than enough of an answer.

"The boy deserved to know! He's going to be a big brother," Robin said apologetically.

Regina heard snickering behind her, and turned to find Tinkerbell sitting at the counter barely containing her laughter.

"You know too?" Regina asked, and Tink nodded.

Robin began to blush. "She's partially responsible for bringing us together! She had a right to know."

"Even though I specifically asked you not to tell anyone," Regina said. She realized the room had grown quiet, and as she looked around she saw not the faces of those afriad the Queen was about to go nuclear, but of those who were happy that she'd finally joined the party. They all knew. Robin had told every last person in town within days of finding out Regina was pregnant.

"You know, Robin," Henry said with a grin. "For a thief, you're really bad at keeping secrets."

Robin laughed and clapped the boy on the shoulder. "Yes, but I'm incredible at getting everyone else to keep them for me."

The crowd erupted with laughter, finally letting go of the excitement they'd held inside. Before Regina knew what was happening she was surrounded by people wanting to hug her and congratulate her. She was overwhelmed and nearly started crying. She couldn't believe that they were happy for her. They actually cared.

After the congratulations died down she glowered at Robin. He returned her glare with a grin. He could see the happiness in her eyes, behind the mask of anger. After a short staredown she sighed and shook her head. She couldn't stay even pretend angry at him for long.

"So am I relegated to the woods tonight?" he asked as he slipped his arm around her waist. She laughed.

"No. But tomorrow, you're taking me shopping."


End file.
